You were not created to go it alone. You were created for community.
“Let us think of ways to motivate each other to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of His return is drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT)
A lone wolf is “an animal or person that acts independently or generally lives or spends time alone instead of with a group.”
I know because I’m a recovering lone wolf. I get it, and here are some of the most common reasons.
5 reasons why we avoid community:
- You get busy. With work, with your kids, with life and all its demands. It is easier to stay hidden behind a wall of busy than it is to make space for other people in your life.
- Your past hurts have caused you to be more guarded.
- You prefer being alone, so you don’t feel motivated to meet new people.
- Sometimes, you don’t know where to start. You live in a place where meeting people is challenging due to location, you’re new to the area, or your friends relocated elsewhere.
- Maybe it’s ALL OF THE ABOVE!
For me, it was all of the above. My wake up call (a.k.a. self-awareness) happened when my lovely neighbor caught me outside. She said, not unlike many times before, “We should get together sometime for lunch or something.” I gave in and replied with conviction, “Yes we should!” I pulled out the calendar on my phone, and we scheduled an afternoon together, right then and there.
After that afternoon, I realized how much I enjoyed her company and how for the past 7 years (gasp, 7 years!) we both shared similar struggles that we could have supported each other through. My neighbor is now a dear friend, and I’ve spent time reflecting on how I missed out on 7 years of her friendship. Sadly, I had been too busy, too guarded, too introverted, and too afraid to make the effort.
First steps to increasing your community
What good is awareness without change? I vowed to make a change both in my life and in the lives of other women. Am I a social butterfly? Far from it. But now I make the effort. I’ve expanded my horizons. I’ve joined a co-working space, and I actually carve out time each month to participate in gatherings and events I enjoy. Blocked calendar time has a fighting chance of actually happening vs. wishful thinking.
If I connect with someone, I make coffee or lunch happen. And you know what? It just feels better. Your circle can keep growing. Pick events and gatherings that energize you, and go with the simple agenda to enjoy others’ company and to be more interested than interesting. Goodbye, Lone Wolf. Hello Friend.